Originally published July 4, 2011, this is one of our favorite stories and a great way to celebrate the Fourth. This story is basically as important as the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest and fireworks. Have a great day everyone.

Little known fact: The Revolutionary War didn’t happen the way they teach it in fourth grade. In reality, The British had a Brawl with the Americans to determine if the Americans were totally free from British rule. Table Tennis Nation has the exclusive recap, so call all those annoying history teachers and tell them we’re about to put them in their place.

We’ll go over the rules just to set the scene: 3 Brits, 3 Americans; games to 21, best 2 out of 3; one 2 point ball per team per game.

The British

• Known as the red coats because of their matching team uniforms
• Playing to protect their colonialism around the world
• Long boat ride across the Atlantic
• Extremely well trained and disciplined

The Americans

• Considered the rebels
• Really not happy with the British
• Unorthodox techniques
• Home field advantage

Here’s the story the history books won’t tell you:

The British show up exactly on time and march in a straight line into the stadium. Their world famous red uniforms are as bright as bright as the British Empire. They have their paddles ready. They are prepared to play 3 singles matches and whichever team wins 2 of them will be the winner of the war, because that is how things are done.

A single American shows up once the Brits have been waiting for about half an hour. The Brits laugh and declare the Americans forfeit because only one guy is there and the Red Coats start celebrating such an easy win.

As if on cue, another 2 Americans hop out from behind the Brits ready to go. The Americans declare the match will be a Brawl and the British are angry because that is not what they trained for or how ping pong is normally played. The Americans don’t let up and the Brits finally decide they will play the mBrawl but pretend they were still having singles matches to avoid undermining their training.

The match begins and the Americans quickly hop out to a 4 point lead. None of the Americans are wearing matching clothing, one is wearing white, one is wearing orange, and the other is wearing black.  The Brits complain that the Americans make it hard to see: the ball is white, the 2-point ball is orange, and the face of the paddle is black; they say that in ping pong you’re supposed to wear the same clothes as your teammates and make it easy for the other team to see. Needless to say the Americans don’t change.

The Brits are down 13-4 in the first game before their superior training starts to show and they are able to out-skill the Americans and charge back to bring the game to 19-18 with the Americans still ahead. The Brits try their 2-point ball as a last ditch effort but the Americans take it and win the first game 21-18.

The Brits are discouraged by their failed comeback but take a lead in the second game after the Americans lack of resources (can’t find their 2 point ball) becomes a problem. What’s more an air conditioning problem leaves the stadium freeing cold. The British have prepared for this and brought their extra heavy Red Coats and then stole hot chocolate from people sitting courtside.  The Americans are wearing t-shirts, shorts, and one guy has flip flops on. Needless to say the British take game 2, 21-13.

During a short break to warm the stadium up, the Brits relax and feel that they’ve turned the corner after a nice comeback in game 1 and a win in game 2. One of the Americans feels pretty sick from the cold and the team isn’t sure if he’ll be able to keep playing, but the team coach George Washington, tells the team to keep their heads up and takes the time off to find the missing 2-point ball.

Washington decides that the only way to beat the Brits is by surprising them, so when game 3 begins, the Americans open with their 2-point ball. The Red Coats didn’t even know the Americans had a 2-point ball and were taken completely back by the use of it to start the match.

The Brits were frazzled and the Americans had a newfound confidence. The Americans rode this momentum to an impressive 21-7 victory.

As purveyors of history here at Table Tennis Nation, we are ecstatic to finally have had the opportunity to share this lost tale with you.

Now, the next time someone asks you about the Revolutionary War, you can laugh at them and tell scoff  ”I think you mean the Revolutionary Brawl.”